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Liesl Live Life

You complete me

Beautifying words
flow from your lips
and fall softly in my ears,
I am so extremely happy
about your presence
in my broken life.
You fill all the cracks
with some everlasting glue,
my heart rejoices at the sight of you.
My life is liveable and possible
only by your side,
I can be completely me.
You accept it all…
we are fiercely free
to be happy

~L.H~

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How to love me

I do not need a thousand gifts
or material things of this world
I need a “hug me tight”,
or a “lets have some coffee together”
to make everything that is wrong
go back to right

I do not need you to clean the house
or make me food or bring me flowers,
all I need is a little time,
a ‘lie close to me’ or
a “let’s spend some time together”
this is all I need in my life
to allow me to not cry but just be

~L.H~

Short version of the last 18 months

My inspiring story that might help others.

It’s been a year and a half now since I first received the diagnosis of an intramedullary spinal cord tumor. The risks involved in such a tumor is if the tumor close the spinal cord, you become quadriplegic – so the neurosurgeon had to move fast because my tumor was close to closing my cord. The risks involved in surgery was quadripregia as well but also a complete recovery.

My first operation (last year August) was performed incorrectly. I did not know this until May this year. I had to learn how to walk again and I accomplished my goal of walking and standing long enough but I had difficulty with clonic shocks that went through my whole body and I could not stand for long periods of time – this was problematic for a teaching career.

When I received the information that I had to undergo another surgery, it was shocking and scary to say the least. My right side of my body was messed up and now I had to put my trust in another neurosurgeons hands.

I prayed for some kind of sign to be sure that this was the path to take. This operation was to be done by another neurosurgeon that I, again, had no information on except that he was extremely good – according to doctors . When I phoned the landline Jhb number, a man answered and I told him that I had the wrong number, I was looking for the neurosugeon, dr. W, number – so I apologised for the inconvenience. The man on the other end said then that he was an old patient of my next neurosurgeon. I was amazed to say the least. I asked his opinion of the neurosurgeon and he said that he owed his life to dr. W because he wanted to give up on life because of his problem in his back and now he just finished another cycling race last weekend and he was feeling wonderful. I believe that was my sign. A Johannesburg landline number! What are the odds?

My operation was scheduled for the 23rd of June this year and although I received a sign, I was still scared and uncertain of my future. My neurosurgeon removed the whole tumour and I was (again) not quadriplegic. I had to go to rehab to learn how to walk (again) and although I wished to walk and run like I used to, I knew that learning how to walk three times in your life, had to mean something.

I used to be a teacher at a secondary school, but this caused me to loose my job and my ability to stay up for long hours. The feeling on my right side of my body is numb – but it can move – it almost feels like when you sit on your foot for a very long time. I knew it was there, but I had to train my body on how to move the way my brain wanted it to. My left side of my body (this was with the correct operation) was left completely dead and this is why I had to train it, and I am still training,  to move properly and to be stable. My wheelchair changed to a walker and my walker changed to a crutch – thanks to my physio Joey. I couldn’t have done this without my faith, my husband, my children and my family and friends.

It’s been a tough year and a half, but I realized the true beauty of humanity and I discovered a deeper appreciation for every little thing in the human body.

If you want to be inspired, hear the story from my own mouth, do not hesitate to message me, because our life is to short to waste time on the negative, to not forgive, and to dwell in the past and not commit your whole being to live life to the fullest.

I want to work again soon, but the neurosurgeons tell me that I need patience. Well, unfortunately patience doesn’t pay for food – so if you feel that you would like to help out, please do so by paying any amount to this account:

Elizabeth Harvey
Nedbank cheque account
Acc No 1058096389
Branch 120205
South Africa

~L.H~

Moment of otherness

Voices and machines fade –
fade further and further to a dim.
Silence, utter silence…and light
I’m somewhere where darkness can’t come in,
a glimpse of whatever is ahead?

I feel peace surrounding me
whoever ‘me’ form might dwell in
My body left behind in the noise.

I feel a presence of a Father
I can feel His love envelop me
“is this the love He was talking about?”

I speak freely – I have a conversation
with the One that I sense and know
So I ask to return to my loving family
for they would not understand
if a monster was just removed
and I stay here, leave them behind

So after a long conversation,
because I first starting thanking Him
for every little and big thing in my life
He returned me to this very loud earth

I will never be the same person again
because my heart and soul will always
hanker to feel that peace again
and a love that is so whole
but this is what I asked for – to remain
because I love my family
and them without me I could not yet see

~L.H~

Hello Love

Hello, such a simple word
Hello, said to so many people a day
Hello, such a normal greeting way
Hello, all I want to say…to you

Love, such an enormous word
Love, so many use it in vain
Love, a nickname for a loved one
Love, pouring out of me like London rain…for you

Hello Love, is all I want to be able to say,
but I can’t, I can’t, I have to let it be…
I can maybe run far, far away
but then I will not be able to see…you

~L.H~

Time running out

Another weekend
another friday gone
another day closer
to the due date
of stupid human set time,
to hear your laughter
to hug you super tight
to have you sleep over
and visit your real home
for as long as you like

Only thirty more days
before the clock runs out
before the so called program
is over and done
then we can see each other
text each other to our hearts delight,
and not have this this huge,
huge strain hanging over our heads,
just four more fridays my dearest,
just thirty more days my sweet.

I cannot wait to hug you
until Í want to let you go,
and I cannot wait to talk and talk
until Í have nothing left to say
(which might not ever happen
’cause I always have stuff to say),
and you always have stuff to say too,
we never run out of of words,
we are so amazingly similar.
I cannot wait for the clock to run fast
thirty days to hug my brightest star…
only four more weeks to keep sane
drink my pills and numb the pain…haha.

I cannot wait to hold her close to my heart,
to hear her laughter in my being and to see,
to smell her long forgotten childlike smell
to embrace the essence of everything she is
I cannot wait to hold my daughter close to me

~L.H~

Beautiful time

I was sitting next to you
Next to the big open blue
Talking and laughing
even better than like we used to
and you hugged me tight,
my heart was a multitude of delight
as I enjoyed our precious time
that I knew no one could stop…
no one could interrupt
for we had the rest of eternity
to talk and love and be happy
More than what we used to be…

Then I woke up
and I realized it’s was a future time
I must hold on to that dream,
we will get there, you and me

~L.H~

My daughter

You have been a star in my show
a great big warrior
that kept me going,
a help when I needed it,
an everlasting source
of being positive.
When I was so sick
and I cried of pain,
you kept me going,
you kept me sane.

You are a fountain,
a spring of pure love,
and that is why
you will rise above.
I don’t tell you enough
that I love you to eternity,
but I do, my sweet child.
My focus is on my family
I finally see,
I can finally see.

~L.H~

My wildflower

Her love was like
a soft breeze on a hot day,
her spirit was like
an all too fragant flower,
her mind was an explosion
of bright colours,
and her presence was
the thing that could set
a thousand candles alight,
all through the darkest
of nights.

~L.H~

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